Mommy used to only really care about the environment when people were there to judge her. Of course she put her Diet Coke can in the office blue bin and it’s not like she was eating baby panda for breakfast but going out of her way to buy a car that runs on sunshine and hugs wasn’t high on her list of priorities. Since you’ve been born, however, she is struck by just how shitty we’ve been treating our planet. It’s a real buzz kill to actually watch the YouTube video of Gordon Ramsay’s shark fin soup exposé or discover via Twitter the ozone is so fucked that we’re all going to look like the cast of The Jersey Shore soon. If the North Pole melts and all Santa’s reindeer drowned in a flashflood, she’s pretty sure that will ruin your childhood. No longer can Mommy turn a blind eye to Mother Earth: Special Victims Unit. However, Mommy draws the eco-line at cloth diapers. After the toxic warfare that came out of you this morning, she’s buying Pampers.
DRINK: Organic local wine. Feel great about your headache the next day. The more throbbing it is, the more you did your part for the environment.
