Like her Mother-In-Law, Mother Nature can be irritating. However, Mommy is going stir-crazy and needs to get you out of the house before you Jackson Pollock another wall. The horoscope from The Weather Network is as random as her iTunes shuffle so here’s what could play out: Baby it’s cold outside. Mommy has to wrestle you in to multiple layers, including an embarrassing reindeer sweater and a bunting bag worthy of a trek to base camp. You no longer fit in the car seat. We go outside but you won’t wear mittens and you continually throw off your hat. An old lady gives Mommy the stink eye and judges her parenting in another language. Blame it on the rain. This means we can’t walk anywhere unless Mommy MacGuyvers a tent over the stroller. She can’t carry an umbrella and push your SUV so Mommy is soaked. Your hat falls into your eyes rendering you temporarily blind but Mommy can’t adjust it because of The Fortress Of Waterproof Solitude surrounding you. Feelin’ hot, hot, hot. You’re too little to wear sunscreen so you have to wear a UV-blocking HazMat suit, leaving you sweaty and pissed off. You refuse to wear your Junior Ray Bans and keep ripping off your ironic straw fedora. The hat goes MIA. Even though we were almost home we have to retrace our steps to Rainbow Songs to find it. Mommy sees your hat in the middle of the road. The hat gets run over by a Range Rover. You laugh and laugh. Mommy should be frustrated that yet another $22 has been flushed down the proverbial Diaper Genie, but instead she silently applauds your socio-political stance on hipsters and makes a mental note that your style is more Hugo Boss than Unemployed Musician.
DRINK: A Hurrycane. As in “Hurry, get Mommy a drink!” 1 oz dark rum, 2 oz lemon juice, 2 oz passion fruit syrup. Shake with ice and strain into a hurricane glass (it’s tulip shaped, but really, any glass will do). Garnish with orange slices and a cherry.
