Everybody is having a pleasant time at The Home Depot until we have to do something like not buy you a table saw and then it’s HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD SCORNED. WATCH DEAR MOMMY AS I SCREAM BLOODY MURDER AND DEMAND SATISFACTION. OH THIS PUBLIC SHAMING ISN’T WORKING AND YOU STILL WON’T LET ME PLAY WITH A DEATH TRAP? WATCH AS I HURL MYSELF ON THE GROUND AND MY FACE GOES RED AND TEARS STREAM DOWN AND SNOT FLIES EVERYWHERE AND STRANGERS JUDGE YOUR PARENTING OUT LOUD. YOU CAN TRY TO GENTLY COAX ME OUT OF THIS BLIND RAGE BUT EVENTUALLY I WILL BARF ON YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOU SWORE YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS YOU BRIBE ME WITH CANDY WHICH LEADS TO MORE JUDGEMENT FROM THE CASHIER AND AN EPIC SUGAR CRASH WHEN WE GET HOME. BA HA HA HA HA HA! Mommy has been coping with the stress of The Terrible Twos by doing calming yoga and journaling nightly. Just kidding, she’s having a drink.
DRINK: The Ginger Peachy. One shot of peach schnapps for your nerves served on ice with gingerale to settle your stomach. Have two and it won’t be so terrible.
