Mommy used to have the emotional resolve of Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. Now she cries when she misplaces her Lip Smackers. She’s not sure if it’s hormones, sleep deprivation or Sandra Boynton books that have caused her new emotional psychosis but she’s become annoyingly sensitive. The following may have made her cry this week: Being put on hold. The zoo. Socks you’ve outgrown. An Ikea commercial. Spilt milk (breastmilk, all over Home Depot). Even the wrong tweet can send her into a tailspin of tears so she had to unfollow Khloe Kardashian. The other thing that can cause her to explode into hysterics is: absolutely nothing. She’s an emotional ticking time bomb and Daddy’s in the trenches. He needs to learn the following phrases ASAP “Cloud White and Decorator White are completely different colours”, “Let’s hire a cleaning lady” and “My Mother is being unreasonable” if he has any chance of coming out of this alive.
DRINK: J.T.’s G & T. Cry me a river of booze by bringing sexy back to an old classic. 1 oz Gin, 3 oz Tonic served on the rocks with a splash of lemonade. Garnish with lemon zest and a box of Kleenex. It’s hormonal happy hour!