If your obsession with electronics is giving you a head start on a lucrative career in electrical engineering, Mommy is 1000% supportive. And she definitely appreciates that you helped her discover 90% of her iPad’s functionality. She just wishes you could at least pretend to be interested in the mountain of age-appropriate toys lying untouched on the living room floor. Unfortunately, these days, your ideal plaything meets at least two of the following criteria: 1) Has lots of buttons. 2) If broken, will cost Mommy lots of money and/or threaten her job security. 3) Ceases to function when dropped in the toilet. Mommy thought Full House had finally jumped the shark when a pivotal storyline involved Mary Kate/Ashley Olsen repeatedly calling Tokyo, until you actually started racking up long-distance charges on Mommy’s phone. And now Mommy’s learned that the hours she wasted trolling Toys ‘R Us and Wal-Mart aisles for a plastic model that would appease you should have been spent downloading the latest and greatest apps for babies. How did Mommy miss this memo? Now you’ll have to burn the midnight oil to catch up to the other 1-year-olds, who can already read, sign and speak Mandarin, and Mommy’s depressed that your cohort will render her generation obsolete by 2020.
DRINK: Creamy Caramel Appletini. 1 oz. Caramel Irish Cream. 1/2 oz Green Apple Flavoured Vodka. 1/2 oz Green Apple schnapps. Shake with ice and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with an apple slice and caramel. When life hands you Apples™…
