Previous to having a child, Mommy’s main interaction with The Golden Arches was scrambling to make the Egg McHangoverMuffin happen before they turned off the breakfast griddle. Now, especially that the weather is turning, McDonald’s has a new appeal: the indoor PlayPlace. Sure, there are other playlands she could take you to, but those cost money. McDonald’s PlayPlace is open at the crack of stupid and it’s FREE*! (*not actually free, please don’t kick Mommy out, Mr. Teenage Manager). Her steady resolve not to let you ever taste the evil of fast food is quickly eroding. Confession time: she broke down and purchased you a Happy Meal. Mommy Angst is at an all-time high about this slip in Perfect Nutritional Parenting, but as least she chose apple slices and milk to go with the Chicken McGuiltTrips. Plus, you loved your Transformer® Generic Change-y Toy Car for a good seven minutes. Mommy makes a grimace (McJokes!) as you run around the padded jungle gym covered in influenza, rancid Big Mac sauce and pee, and are bashed around by tweens who are way too old to be here and are probably going to second base in the slide. Despite all this, you’re having the time of your life. Mommy is comforted by the fond memories of Granddad bringing her to McD’s as a child and the baked apple pie she totally did not just purchase and is eating right now.
DRINK: Anything from the McCafé. Sip on a delicious, steamy cup of 100% Arabica jet fuel, and enjoy not sleeping until sometime next week.
BUY: Reasons Mommy Drinks. On sale at your bookstore. Ba da ba ba baaahhh you’ll be lovin’ it.
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