If Mommy sees one more Baby Watch 2013 update, she is going to royally lose her mind. When will it end?!!! (Cue dramatic fist shake to sky). First Mommy had to watch Kate No-Middleton parade around the globe in maternity wear worthy of a Chanel runway for the ENTIRE YEAR. (And p.s. now Mommy will never get to recycle the four Thyme Maternity outfits she wore on rotation in 2011 if she goes for baby #2.) Then Mommy had to endure six months of news coverage written from every possible story angle known to cause premature brain cell loss. And in the past 24 hours Mommy refreshed her Facebook News Feed so many times that she now has carpal tunnel syndrome and possibly a new career called unemployment. The worst part about the media circus surrounding this poor insanely rich child’s birth is that Mommy is hopelessly addicted to it. In fact she hasn’t been this glued to something so inane since Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, but at least that only lasted five episodes.
DRINK: The Royal Flush. 1 oz Crown Royal, 1 oz peach schnapps, 4 oz cranberry juice. Serve over ice. Enjoy while flushing your house of all things Royal and vowing to consume nothing but Omegas and back issues of Intelligent Life magazine for the next 30 days.