The laundry

20 Jun

Mommy does laundry all day, every day.  Apparently, a clean onesie is a tractor beam for all things stain-y.  The perpetual spin cycle is running up her hydro bill and has definitely killed several baby seals in environmental damage.  First it was explosive poo causing the never-ending fluff ‘n fold. Lately, it’s self-feeding. Mommy is worried you’re not getting enough nutrients because entire avocados are being mashed into your chinos. Of course, you think this is hilarious. As a prop comic, your go-to routine involves covering yourself in tomato sauce, berries and squash purée, and the punchline is flinging all of it on to Mommy’s one decent H&M wrap dress. Mommy is only using fragrance-free, chemical-free, function-free detergents which means no stain comes out ever. She’s tempted to dress you all in black and start a Goth Baby trend. Anarchy in the crib!

DRINK:  Anything sudsy with a clean finish.

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16 Responses to “The laundry”

  1. makewayforlindaj June 20, 2012 at 8:51 am #

    This was very funny! As a mother of two older kids (13 & 8), I’ve traded in the spit-up, drool-soaked, food goobered clothes for bloody, grass stained, magic markered ones that are just as much of a nightmare to get clean in the laundry.

    Tide is no match for my kids :)

  2. thelifeofjamie June 20, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    Oxy clean is your best friend…soak them in Oxy!

  3. Mommy Madness June 20, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    I always cheer my little one for eating so well and bragging to my husband about it, “Look, honey, she ate an entire avocado!”. Then I pick her up from her highchair and realize I have an entire avocado to clean up.

  4. Alice June 20, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    This is so my life.

    What I love about your blog is that you get the right angle on really trying to do the right thing (self-feeding, lovely eco detergent) and the complete shit-fest that results. Life would be so much easier if I put the kids in strait-jackets, fed them with a tube, and then bleach-boiled all the clothes. And yet, here I am using a windscreen scraper to chip encrusted biscuit off the highchair and lying clothes on the lawn on any sunny day in an attempt to make it look like I don’t soak them in coffee every week. Sigh…!

  5. dirtyrottenparenting June 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

    I’ve just gone 2 whole days without doing any laundry. Of course, now I’ve got about 6 loads worth piled around the laundry basket.

  6. Carla Murphy June 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm #

    Naked baby & toddler feeding is the way to go! Strip off all clothes except for the diaper, put plastic sheeting on the floor around the chair (there goes another baby seal or maybe even a tiger) and let them have at it. Oh, and stand at least 5 feet away so you don’t end up wearing their food too :)

    • Alice June 21, 2012 at 3:10 am #

      Ah, but then I have central heating guilt…

  7. Linda June 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    Bunchafarmers has an amazing all natural stain remover. Someone from my mommy group recommended it, and so far it’s gotten poo stains I thought that would never come out. Once Upon a Child sells them for 3.99 and Strictly Bulk near ossington and bloor for $2.99.
    http://www.bunchafarmers.com/index.php?main_page=product_reviews_info&products_id=6&reviews_id=1

  8. l42wang June 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    We’re doing cloth diapers and a tiny condo sized washer/dryer. Before the kid, laundry was already an issue, and now I fear we just have a never ending mountain of laundry always. In terms of stains though, Bunchafarmers has an amazing all natural stain remover. Theo’s a bit too young to be in staining his clothes with food but so far it’s worked great on poo stains which I thought we’d never get out. It’s 3.99 at Once Upon A Child and 2.99 at Strictly Bulk.

  9. Inga Hrund Gunnarsdóttir June 21, 2012 at 5:53 am #

    I go with naked baby or bib with sleeves (that I wash in the sink, soap free if possible): http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70179754/

  10. Kathy McPherson June 21, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

    I stopped buying anything light coloured or white for my kids about 8 years ago. My oldest child is 9 :)

  11. Chaton's World June 24, 2012 at 3:01 pm #

    Nobody prepared me for all of the laundry either! Glad to find you! Check me out at http://chatonsworld.blogspot.com. And you are funny! Good luck making that list next year!!!

  12. Nikki Goldman-Stroh June 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    I’m due in August and have been enjoying my once a week laundry routine, guess that’s another thing that is about to change! Thanks for the tips on natural stain removers

  13. Reasons Mommy Drinks June 27, 2012 at 11:04 am #

    I’ve been implementing the “feed the baby naked” strategy. It’s working!

    Except instead of laundry, the next Reason Mommy Drinks will be cleaning the floors / walls / dog / furniture / ceiling (?!).

  14. AverageWorkingMom (@AvgWorkingMom) July 16, 2012 at 11:36 am #

    My 3 girls are all under six. I try to avoid dressing them in white. I long for the day when I can throw laundry in the wash without checking for stains first. I’m afraid it might never happen.

    As an annoying aside, I’ve just started reading French Kids Eat Everything, in which the author claims that healthy attitudes towards food can begin when kids start eating solid foods, and that since they are taught not to play with their food, even babies in France eat mess-free!

    • Reasons Mommy Drinks July 16, 2012 at 11:41 am #

      Really? Hm. France really has something going on. You can also enjoy a glass of wine without people judging you as a mom over there. Vive La France!

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