Mommy does laundry all day, every day. Apparently, a clean onesie is a tractor beam for all things stain-y. The perpetual spin cycle is running up her hydro bill and has definitely killed several baby seals in environmental damage. First it was explosive poo causing the never-ending fluff ‘n fold. Lately, it’s self-feeding. Mommy is worried you’re not getting enough nutrients because entire avocados are being mashed into your chinos. Of course, you think this is hilarious. As a prop comic, your go-to routine involves covering yourself in tomato sauce, berries and squash purée, and the punchline is flinging all of it on to Mommy’s one decent H&M wrap dress. Mommy is only using fragrance-free, chemical-free, function-free detergents which means no stain comes out ever. She’s tempted to dress you all in black and start a Goth Baby trend. Anarchy in the crib!
DRINK: Anything sudsy with a clean finish.