Mommy used to love wandering in and out of the boutiques lining her favourite shopping strip on the west side of town. There she’d buy pretty little breakable things like a pair of owl-shaped votive candle holders, or wardrobe essentials like her 93rd black dress. Now Mommy loathes shopping. But you’ve run out of diapers or the fridge is empty or yet another thing in the house is leaking/broken/old/ugly, so she and Daddy have no choice but to load you in the car and make it to and fro the closest box store between your morning and afternoon naps. Gone are the days of carefully reviewing ingredient lists and doing price/oz. comparisons on the six offerings of salsa in the Mexican food aisle. It’s a race against the clock a la Supermarket Sweep to load the shopping cart with wares before you have a meltdown. Mommy is shocked and appalled that she’s about to buy a $19 dress that’s displayed next to a pyramid of Charmin, but the three outfits she’s had on rotation since returning to work two months ago are practically threadbare. What she really needs is an afternoon devoted to updating her outdated and ill-fitting wardrobe in time for summer, but given she can barely find time to shampoo her hair daily, it’s a safe bet there will be snow on the ground before she makes it to a mall. And Mommy can forget about hitting the changerooms to testdrive this frock because if you fall asleep in the car seat before she and Daddy make it home, they’ll be forced to drive up and down the highway for two hours while the ice cream they just bought melts all over the trunk.
DRINK: Amazon Lemonade. Fill tall glass with ice, add 1 oz. vodka and top up with fresh lemonade. Garnish with a lemon wedge. It’s time to embrace online shopping!