At least the name is accurate. After reading The Big Red Barn for the 1,098th time, Mommy is officially bored. She used to pour over Jonathan Franzen novels and biographies about Steve Jobs, but now she finds herself overly invested in the search and rescue mission unfolding in Where’s Spot? This is not helping her rapid descent into permanent Mommy Brain. Some board books don’t even have plots. Or words! They’re just pictures of babies next to pictures of baby animals. How did this author get a book deal? Did she go into Random House and say “I’ll shoot you straight. I spent my advance on a cocaine-fueled gambling binge but check out these royalty-free stock shots I found on Google images.” To spice things up, Mommy has started going off script and hoping you don’t notice. In last night’s rendition of Goodnight Moon, The Quiet Old Lady was having a torrid affair with The Cow and The Two Little Kittens were about to expose the scandal on E! Bowl Full Of Mush Network. Speaking of Goodnight Moon, the page where we say goodnight to nobody? That’s messed up. Time passes all too quickly and soon you’ll grow out of Mommy reading to you. Then she’ll miss Sandra Boynton’s complexities of the post-modern anti-hero in The Snuggle Puppy. One day you’ll read Charlotte’s Web all on your own. Spoiler Alert: the central character DIES. This is why you should stick to math.
DRINK: Boardbook Empire. 1 oz Canadian Club whisky, 1 oz peach schnapps, 3 oz cola and a squeeze of fresh lime. Serve on a board book, which makes a great coaster.
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The LIttle Blue Truck is cute…and short!
Beep! Went the bottle of wine as the cork came out.
okay- maybe you should write an adult kids book like Go the F*ck to Sleep…I still wish I had known there was a market for that!
LMAO @ Serve on a board book, which makes a great coaster.
It works! Not that we have nice furniture that needs protecting anymore. Everything’s covered in sticky hands. Everything.
Hilarious. Love the postmodern antihero. Will be trying this drink in ….12-14 weeks!
Congratulations – keep us posted on your little snuggle puppy!
What makes it SO much worse is that they all rhyme!! WHY DO THEY RHYME??? SOO annoying!! Just discovered this blog – you are def going on my blogroll! Love it!!
The rhymes are terrible too. Sometimes I’m like “you totally phoned this in”. Thanks for the love!!