The time has come for Mommy to head back to work. Going to a place where people listen to her ideas, she is compensated financially for her efforts and she can enjoy a coffee without it going cold first because someone peed on her is, incredibly, filled with mixed emotion. When people ask her how she’s “handling the guilt” of leaving you, she goes into full Renée Zellweger as her face contorts into that of a screwed-up sad person. As she squats in the supply room pumping milk next to extra pens and industrial-grade Windex, she misses you like crazy (and misses midday naps, track pants and not trying) but she feels proud to support her family in a job she genuinely loves. No one asks Daddy how he handles the guilt. They only ask him when he has to “babysit”. There are some Mommies who quit thriving careers with expense accounts and elite status Aerogold to be stay-at-home Moms. These women are bat-shit crazy! Or they’re saints. Staying at home is the hard. Then again, balancing motherhood and a career means that no matter where you are, you should be somewhere else. Uh-oh. Here comes the ugly face again. Damn you, Zellweger!
DRINK: A Zombie. Juggling 3 a.m. feedings and 7 a.m. conference calls will make you feel like one. ½ oz dark rum, ½ oz cherry brandy, ½ oz light rum, 3 oz orange juice, 1 oz lemon juice, dash of grenadine. Shake over ice and serve in a highball glass after a long day of Trying To Be Awesome At Everything.
sometimes I think it would be great to go back to work, but then I think off what each and every morning would be like and it makes me want to crawl under the covers and rock with fear.
Congratulations on the return to work. Now you have 2 full-time jobs CD and MOM!
Enjoy your coffee and lunch in peace!
it’s definitely a tough balancing act, but please, rest assured that you could never, in a million years resemble Renee “looks-like-I’m-perpetually-smelling-a-fart- Zellweger. Just not possible.
Baaaa ha ha ha! I seriously don’t know how she’s famous. Except… I love all her movies. Confessions!!!!
Yeah, I received some wise advice early on from a more experienced dad — “When you’re the father, it’s not called babysitting… it’s called PARENTING.”
My husband was ok with the inferior title; it was the whole not getting paid $12/hour thing that was really hard for him to swallow.
You are extremely funny! Good job on landing a book contract, can’t wait!
Thanks Anca! We’re pretty excited too
))