The time has come for Mommy to head back to work. Going to a place where people listen to her ideas, she is compensated financially for her efforts and she can enjoy a coffee without it going cold first because someone peed on her is, incredibly, filled with mixed emotion. When people ask her how she’s “handling the guilt” of leaving you, she goes into full Renée Zellweger as her face contorts into that of a screwed-up sad person. As she squats in the supply room pumping milk next to extra pens and industrial-grade Windex, she misses you like crazy (and misses midday naps, track pants and not trying) but she feels proud to support her family in a job she genuinely loves. No one asks Daddy how he handles the guilt. They only ask him when he has to “babysit”. There are some Mommies who quit thriving careers with expense accounts and elite status Aerogold to be stay-at-home Moms. These women are bat-shit crazy! Or they’re saints. Staying at home is the hard. Then again, balancing motherhood and a career means that no matter where you are, you should be somewhere else. Uh-oh. Here comes the ugly face again. Damn you, Zellweger!
DRINK: A Zombie. Juggling 3 a.m. feedings and 7 a.m. conference calls will make you feel like one. ½ oz dark rum, ½ oz cherry brandy, ½ oz light rum, 3 oz orange juice, 1 oz lemon juice, dash of grenadine. Shake over ice and serve in a highball glass after a long day of Trying To Be Awesome At Everything.