Nothing used to make Mommy feel more relaxed than a bath. Bubbles, lavender scented candles and some Sade were all she needed to unwind. Now, bath time gives Mommy several mini heart attacks (fear of hypothermia / drowning / soap blindness) and it’s worse now that you keep trying to stand (fear of splitting head open on Moen faucet). Mommy is not sure who is more soaking after tub time: you or her. Then the other day you “dropped some kids off at the pool”. Weird face + making your own bubbles = suddenly you’re bathing in feces. Mommy briefly felt triumphant after she successfully held you squirming and slippery while using the massage feature on the hand wand to beat last night’s mushy peas down the drain. Then you peed on her.
DRINK: Liquid Drano. 1 oz light rum, 1 oz blueberry schnapps, 3 oz blue Gatorade. Serve on the rocks in a highball glass with frozen blueberries for garnish. Enjoy on a non-slip surface.