If you can sleep in, spend $43 on a lemon sage ravioli, fly last minute to Croatia, get your eyebrows waxed, have nothing in your fridge but Stella Artois and mustard, take yoga-muay thai fusion Wednesdays at 6pm, say things like “this season of Dexter was staid and uninspired and couldn’t live up to neoclassical themes woven into the existential tapestry of Game of Thrones” or own nice things then you are single. Single people complain about being single all the time. Mommy nods politely as they whine about mediocre service, eHarmony or the end of a Tribeca Film Festival selection, but all the while Mommy is fantasizing of wearing their skin to become them, just like in Silence of the Lambs. Single people don’t pee when they sneeze. They really don’t know how good they have it. This of course does not apply to single parents, who are heroes and should be given keys to the city’s wine cellar immediately.
DRINK: The Cosmompolitan. The traditional Cosmo may be the single girl’s go to, but this delicious tipple is just for Mommy. Shot of Absolute Mandarin vodka, shot of Absolute Cherry vodka, half shot of Cointreau, splash of lime juice, splash of pomegranate juice. Shake over ice, strain and serve.
Saturday and Sunday morning Facebook posts are the epitome of difference between the two. It’s either…”I am so hungover!” or “the baby slept for 20 minutes last night.” I almost miss that hangover.
So true. At least with a single girl’s hangover you can sleep in, eat cold pizza (the slice you purchased at 2am and passed out before inhaling) and watch reruns of Grey’s Anatomy all day.
Um…how did you know about the pee thing…
Ugh I can so relate…………….. I can`t even wear heels like I used to, I hardly ever try!
I recently rocked some heels. For about an hour. Then I got a massive blister and shin splints.
I just bought my first pair of real heels in 2 years! (baby’s 15 months old) Not Ecco or Geoxx, but some sexy sounding man “Vince Camuto” heels. I am just sitting at my desk in them though because I looked like that guy from Something About Mary when I walked to the kitchen in them.
No way! Am sure you look h-o-t and are totally rocking them. I say this as I type with Birkenstocks on. What is wrong with me???