Mommy used to kill it when it came to cardio – she could spin for an hour and still look adorable enough to flirt with Braedon the 26 year old trainer slash man candy. The gym was a social place and Mommy was on the A list – that “A” stood for Ass and hers was tight. Now Mommy does Baby-friendly yoga. This is not a workout, but an excuse to drop $20 to do one Downward Dog and spend the other 43 minutes in a Circle Bitch about sleep training. Mommy is still hyper-competitive, only now it’s over whose baby is doing what first. Mommy has actually pushed you to do things you’re not ready for, like propping you up to sitting then feigning surprise when you promptly toppled over and bashed your head on a yoga block. The 4 calories burned trying to keep the snot-covered communal toys out of your mouth during class is quickly erased by the post-namaste trip to the Fair Trade coffee shop where a carob-chip spelt cookie packs a whopping 17 grams of fat. Mommy may now live in her Lulus, but she has a feeling the rear view isn’t the same.
DRINK: The Skinny Bitch. Remember when you used to be one? 5oz Diet Coke, 1 oz vodka and a squeeze of fresh lime. Only 56 calories.
I miss my old ass. It used to be much higher, smaller and tighter. No I have an ass that has a migratory pattern. Not happy about it.
I like to think of it as putting the “ass” in “class”.
A Skinny Bitch for the Fat Bitch.
Ha ha ha! LA snobbery. Love it.
“Mommy has actually pushed you to do things you’re not ready for…”
Like buy you a full blown two-wheeled bike for your first birthday? Seriously, what is wrong with me?
It’s very Tiger Mom of you. And those kids become surgeons and Captains of Industry! I say, good on you.
Very entertaining Lyranda. Every few weeks I remember to click on to your website during my work day and it’s a fun 15 minutes that I look forward to during my day. Like my kids at the library, I get excited about the new posts I haven’t yet read! It’s Lisa Capitanio, by the way, of BFS days gone by, stil living in Vancouver, well North Van. to be exact, and always inspired by the success of the BFS alumni that I read on Facebook. Carry on Lyranda and Fiona. Very relatable to some extent (see next senctence) and well written. You don’t fool me though, I’m sure you’re both styslish skinny bitches who I would hate
Lisa!!! So good to hear from you!!! Thanks for reading and I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. West coast representin’! Speaking of drinking, BFS trained (slash destroyed) many livers.