Sure, there are a lot of things Mommy doesn’t miss about being pregnant. Like heartburn, cankles, and three months spent hugging the toilet bowl. But pregnancy definitely had its rewards. Aside from the 40 pounds of extra weight around her mid section, Mommy-to-be was a spitting image of a Victoria Secret model thanks to her no-leak double D rack, luscious locks and hormone-charged glow. And armed with her “baby brain” pass, she never had to sweat forgetting a best friend’s birthday or saying something stupid in a really important meeting. But, now that you’re born, Mommy no longer walks on water and she’s finding it hard to cope as yesterday’s news. She’s wondering why all the nice strangers who used to run to her expectant side to open doors for her are always MIA when she’s struggling to jam your SUV-sized stroller through the tiny non-automated Starbucks doorway without spilling half her extra hot latte on your lap. And the world could now care less whether you’re a boy or a girl, they just want to know what Mommy’s done to make you scream so loudly. Recently, Mommy’s even caught herself longing for the unsolicited belly strokes that used to make her throw up in her mouth a little. Now she has only your dirty diapers to thank for that.
DRINK: Break out your maternity jeggings and a basketball and enjoy a Cranberry and Soda, for old time’s sake.