Buying The Elf on the Shelf was the Worst Idea Ever. Not only is Santa’s little helper eerily reminiscent of Joan Rivers, but Mommy fears that constantly reminding you about all the amazing Christmas presents Santa’s going to bring you if you’re well behaved is both inflating your expectations and putting some serious performance pressure on Santa’s real-life elf AKA Mommy. The chocolate advent calendar she bought you (another purchase that led to immediate buyer’s remorse) is a daily reminder that there’s NO TIME left until Christmas, yet Mommy’s still no further ahead in her quest to find you toys that are equal parts educational, entertaining and economical. A visit to the local toy store yesterday was the opposite of help. Mommy spent thirty minutes waiting in line for a 2-minute interaction with a store employee. Only for him to recommend she spend $350 on the Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway Table. Not only does Mommy have issue with the fact that she could have constructed this table in 9th grade woodworking class, but it comes complete with NO trains and NO tracks! Or how about this $250 junior kitchen set on display beside it, featuring stainless steel appliances and marble backsplash so now even toddlers can keep up with the Joneses! Please don’t misunderstand Mommy – it’s not that she wouldn’t give the world for you to have everything your heart desires this Christmas. But she fell into the trap of breaking the bank on presents last year, only to watch you spend the next hour playing exclusively with the discarded wrapping paper.
THE DRINK: Shelf the Elf. Combine 2 oz of Midori liqueur with ½ oz of fresh lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of simply syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a chilled glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry. Enjoy after retiring the Elf on the Shelf to the bottom of the basement closet where last year’s “must have!” Furby now resides.